


For The Love of You & I

by jacinth



Series: For the love of... [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Louis and Harry are dumb dumbs in this one, M/M, Makeup kissing, Misunderstandings, Sort of break up, be warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-31
Updated: 2014-05-31
Packaged: 2018-01-27 19:03:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1719353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacinth/pseuds/jacinth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis cried himself to sleep that night, desperately wishing he was enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For The Love of You & I

Louis was lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling and doing his damnedest not to giggle like a bloody twelve year old. Harry had kissed him. Actually kissed him like he wanted him – like he wasn't just a _kid_. He traced his lips with his fingers – the kiss had been better than he dreamed, not that he had much to compare it to but he was certain it was the most perfect kiss ever.  
  
Not even the fact that his mum not only knew but had expected it to happen could dampen his happiness. After years of loving Harry from afar, the man was finally his.  
  
He hoped.

-:-

Louis was having lunch with Niall when everything went to Hell.

“Oi,” Niall said, elbowing him. “That's your boy, in'it?”

Louis looked up from his chips and out the window and saw...

His heart sank to the floor as he watched Harry kiss Nick in front of the jewelry shop across the street and his stomach rolled when Harry gripped the other man's arms. Louis was out of his seat before he could watch any more of the scene unfold. 

Stupid! He felt so stupid! How could he have ever thought Harry would want him? What if Harry had only kissed him because he saw how desperate Louis was for him and felt sorry for him?

Louis was hurt and angry, but he couldn't blame Harry, he knew he was nothing special. He also knew he couldn't begrudge Harry happiness. And if Nick made him happy... then he would have to be mature about it and accept it with a smile on his face. He knew he would do absolutely anything for Harry even if it meant succumbing to his own torment.

-:-

Louis was curled in a ball on his bed when there was a knock on the door. “Come in.” he sighed, not moving. 

“Lou?”  
  
A jolt went through him at the sound of Harry's voice and once again the tearing feeling in his chest washed through him like a tidal wave of acid. “Yeah?” he whispered, not trusting his voice enough to speak any louder. Harry must have picked it up anyway because a second later Louis felt the bed dip behind him as the older man sat down. “What's wrong sweetheart?” Harry asked, voice dripping with concern, making Louis squeeze his eyes closed. “Nothing, long day. Just tired.”

The bed moved again and he startled when he felt heat press against his back as Harry spooned him. Louis wanted to snap at him or push him away but in the end it was still his Harry and Harry meant comfort, even if he was the one who was causing the pain. He rolled over and rested his head on the Harry's chest, sighing when he felt warm lips on his forehead. “What did you to today?” he asked quietly. He hoped Harry would just tell him and get it over with, there was no way he could bare excuses and apologies. It would only make him feel more pathetic than he already was.

Harry was quiet for a moment before answering. “Not too much actually. Had the day off. I did some shopping, took care of a few things. Nothing interesting.”

Another wave of hurt raced through Louis' tiny form. Why was Harry lying to him? Didn't he deserve the truth? Or had the kiss meant so little to Harry that he thought it just didn't matter?

“You don't have to lie, Harry.” he whispered sadly. “I saw you with Nick.”  
  
“Lou-!”  
  
“And it's okay,” he continued. Though it would hurt like hell, it needed to be said. “I understand, you were with him for a long time and feelings like that don't just disappear. If... if you want to give things another shot with him – you should.”  
  
Harry was stiff as a board under him now. “You mean that?” he asked, voice tense.  
  
Louis nodded. “Yeah. It might be better for everyone in the long run.”  
  
Louis was just a kid. And if Harry gave up his chance at happiness for Louis, he would come to resent him for it later and he couldn't bare the thought. He had to be strong.

Harry maneuvered himself out from under Louis and left the room without another word.

Louis cried himself to sleep that night, desperately wishing he was enough.

-:-

Six months later Nick and Harry's engagement was back on and the wedding was in two days. Louis hadn't spoken to Harry much – not like they used to, the older man seemingly avoiding him as he focused all of his energy into planning the wedding.

Louis couldn't help wondering, had he been a rebound? Had Harry kissed him only to realize how much he truly loved Nick? Had Harry felt _anything_ for him, at all?

The sad and watchful gaze of his mother didn't exactly make him feel better either.

-:-

The night before the wedding Harry spent the night at the house – wanting to spend his last night as a bachelor with his family. He had bought the house across the street like Louis had suggested all those months ago and it felt like a literal slap in the face. Back then Louis had thought _maybe_ he would move in there with Harry after he graduated, that it would be _their_ house. Now it was Harry and Nick's house and Louis was no longer a part of the picture – well, no more than his parents or sisters. It hurt.

It was around midnight when Louis knocked on Harry's old bedroom door – he hadn't offered his congratulations yet and he couldn't let Harry get married the next day without him know everything was okay between them. He missed the way things used to be before he'd let his feelings get the better of him. It wasn't Harry's fault Louis loved him more than he should. Perhaps with some time Louis would learn to look at Harry as the brother the older man wanted to be.

When Harry opened the door he looked shocked to see him and it made Louis feel like a bastard. “Can I talk to you?”

Harry stared at him for a moment with furrowed brows before nodding and opening the door wider.

Once he heard the door close Louis spun and wrapped his arms around Harry, burying his face in his chest. “I'm so sorry, Harry. I've been awful.”

Harry froze for a second then hugged Louis back tightly, running his fingers through the boy's hair. “What.. Lou, what do you mean? You haven't been-”  
  
“I have!” Louis cut him off, his throat clogging with tears. “I-I didn't even say congratulations to you and Nick... we've barely talked in months! And it's all my fault! I'm so sorry. But I swear, I swear to you that I will control my... feelings from now on. I need us to be close again.”  
  
Harry didn't answer and Louis feared it was too late, that his selfishness had ruined their relationship beyond repair. A tear slipped down his cheek and he was about to pull away, to leave, when he felt Harry grasp his face, lifting it so their eyes met. “Feelings?”

Louis' eyes widened. He hadn't realized he had said that. Goddamn it. “I- Harry.” he was shaking now and he had to leave before he wrecked things more than he already had. He was about to pull away when he realized he couldn't move, that Harry wouldn't let him.  
  
“Lou.” he breathed against the younger boy's forehead. “ _What feelings?_ Please tell me. I'm begging you.”  
  
“I love you, so much – too much.” Louis choked, “And I'm sorry I let it ruin things. You deserve to be happy and I was too selfish to accept that you wanted someone else. But never again. I swear I'll be the best brother you could wish for-”

Louis gasped when he was interrupted by Harry's lips, the taller man crushing his small body against own and devouring his mouth like there was nothing he had ever wanted more causing Louis to whimper before he reached up, wrapping his fingers in that wild hair and tugging lightly. Harry groaned deep in his chest and slid his hands down Louis' body, gripping his arse and lifting him off the floor before crossing the room and tossing him on the bed. 

Spreading his legs invitingly, Louis moaned when Harry settled between them and began sucking at his pulse. He didn't understand Harry's reaction at all yet he couldn't bring himself to stop it and he knew then and there that he would do anything Harry asked of him, no matter what.

“Harry.” he whined, raking his fingers over Harry's clothed back and receiving a deep moan and nip to the neck in answer.

Harry kissed his jaw and sucked his ear lobe before coming back to his mouth. “Lou, fuck. You haven't got a clue what you do to me, do you?”  
  
Louis bit his lip and shook his head while Harry stared hungrily at his mouth. “So beautiful. So fucking perfect. Always knew you were trouble.”

He felt a pang at the words. It was true, he was trouble. Louis pushed himself up, rolling out of Harry's grasp. “You're right. I am trouble, even though I don't mean to be. I- we shouldn't do this. You love Nick – you're marrying him tomorrow!”

Louis was about to slide off the bed and run from the room but a hand around his wrist stopped him. “Do you love me, Louis?”  
  
“Wh-”  
  
“If you don't,” Harry interrupted, “I _will_ get married because anything is better than wanting but not being able to have you. If you do, really love me, as more than an older brother sort, I will call it all off.”  
  
He stared at Harry. “You... you shouldn't call off your wedding because I love you. I won't be responsible for you being unhappy!”  
  
“Unhappy? I'm unhappy right now! I've wanted you, for so long, longer than I care to admit because it makes me feel like a pervert. When you told me to get back with Nick it broke my heart, but I did so anyway because it was better than having a broken heart, alone.”

Louis continued to stare. “I only said that because I saw you kissing him that day and thought you had realized it was him you truly loved and that I was in the way!” he bit his lip and wiped away the tears that he hadn't even realized had fallen. “Was... was that not what happened?”

Harry dropped his head into his hands and Louis winced when he noticed he was pulling his hair, hard.

“Fuck. Fuck _fuck!_ ” Harry hissed. “I've really made a mess of things.”

Harry grabbed Louis' waist and pulled him into his lap, burying his face in Louis' neck. “That, fuck. That was why you were upset that night. You were hurting because of something I did and I didn't see it!” he spat, then pressed a soothing kiss to Louis' collarbone. “I'm sorry.”  
  
Louis let himself be cuddled and rested his head on Harry's shoulder in return. “S'not your fault – we were both at fault. More me than you... although, why were you kissing Nick then?”  
  
Harry frowned. “I... I was in the jewelry shop... looking for something for you, and I ran into him on the street after. He said he was going to convince me how good he and I were together, then he kissed me. And that night I wasn't sure if I should tell you just then because you were already upset and when you said that he and I should try to work things out... I thought you had realized I was too old for you. I should have known you were hurting. Forgive me?”  
  
Louis nodded, kissing him again. “This is a mess.” he sighed.  
  
Harry kissed his nose. “I'll fix it. I promise.”  
  
“So, what were you looking for? In the jewelry store?” Louis had to ask, okay.

Harry smiled and slid Louis off of his lap before getting up and crossing the room. He opened the dresser drawer and rummaged around for a moment, then pulled out a black box. “I couldn't make myself bring it back”

He handed Louis the box and the boy hesitated a few seconds before opening it. Louis gasped, it was a beautiful silver ring, a plain band but stunning none the less. “What-”  
  
“I wanted you to wear it as a promise. Thought you could move it to your right hand when a wedding band took it's place.”

Louis' mouth fell open. “I-I would have worn it proudly, Harry.” he smiled, staring at the ring a little longingly, a sad little smiled on his face.

“You will.” Harry leaned forward to capture his lips once more. “I'm going to set everything right tomorrow. Then I'm going to give you this ring again, for real.”  
  
Louis smiled. “Okay.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I think the boys will FINALLY take it to the next level when Harry gives Louis the ring. It just didn't feel right while Nick was still in the picture.
> 
> Comments are appreciated!!


End file.
